Divorce: Finding Closure

Anyone who has ever been divorced cannot help but ask if they had found closure. Was the divorce grieving process complete? After all, when it comes to divorce, getting past the past is never easy, especially after a thirty-four-year marriage; moving on is easier said than done.

There were times when I had rationalized staying in the marriage for the kids' sake. I hid behind that attitude, despite evidence suggesting that raising children in a dysfunctional home was more damaging than a stable single-parent home. In any event, we stayed the course, and divorced long after our children were emancipated.

I think knowing what you did wrong in a marriage helps achieve closure. Perhaps Ronnie and I missed an opportunity by never sitting down after the divorce to liberate the demons that had stalked the marriage; perhaps it might have helped if we could have let our feelings out just one more time—but the prevailing hostility got in the way.

What made the divorce grieving process even more difficult was that we initiated divorce proceedings a mere two years after we lost our son Nicky, counseling notwithstanding. I was already in a grieving mode, and sometimes it was hard to distinguish which loss I was grieving for. That's a double whammy, fraught with deep feelings of emotional turmoil, failure, and disappointment.

But now, having been divorced for eighteen years I can say with some confidence I was pleased with my life: I have lived with a positive attitude, and more important, with a vigorous new life.

I had risen up out of the ashes once again and moved on, full of hope for the future; with vastly new interests, and new people around me. White Sails concludes, that is as much closure as anyone can ask for after divorce.